A CHILD OF THE KING

“HELP ME, GOD, I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE. TAKE THIS PAIN AWAY!” 

I was alone, broken, empty, and angry. My mind was racing with past memories of my ex-girlfriend; I felt the tears streaming down my face. A pain I never knew existed filled my whole being. So many thoughts were rushing through my mind: Three-and-a-half years thrown into the trash. So much time and even money spent—for what, Angelo? A broken heart? I told you it’d never work out. You’re worthless, and you know it. It seemed true: A college dropout at age twenty and now working a dead-end job with no future. I know now that these thoughts weren’t my own. A dark presence was whispering his lies into my ear.  

It’s a miracle I didn’t take my life that night. I was willing to do almost anything to get my mind off the worthless and unlovable individual I saw myself to be. 

I wasn’t always like this. I grew up as a Seventh-day Adventist. I even attended a private Adventist school from fourth to eighth grade. I loved playing soccer and weight lifting as I got older. I enjoyed movies, music, and friends. It all seemed to work for a time, but I couldn’t escape these thoughts that had been whispered into my ear since childhood. I remember as a young child I felt something was missing. I went through no traumatic events in my childhood. I had great parents and a loving sister; yet this feeling of emptiness seemed to continue as I grew up. At the age of fourteen, it seemed nothing I was involved in was filling that void. I turned to alcohol at this point, and, at fifteen, I was drinking, smoking, and partying whenever I could. Three years later, I was selling and using cocaine. It seemed I had everything: money, friends, respect, attention, and a purpose. Yet it all seemed to just leave me emptier as time passed by. I blamed the drugs for my problems. So, I decided to give it all up and—cold turkey—I was done. I was in the process of enrolling back into college, and everything seemed to be going well until I found myself broken sitting on the couch.  

I was desperate to numb my pain and it seemed I had no way out. I had left the use of drugs and turned to certain activities that society called “normal.” Yet, nonetheless, I was addicted to some of these things. I really enjoyed binge-watching TV shows and movies on Netflix. 

I decided to distract myself that night with a horrible movie. A strange feeling kept lingering with me as I was watching. It was as if I felt an uncomfortable presence weighing on me, and no matter what I did, I couldn’t shake it off. Later that night, I found out what it was. 

I’d often go through something called sleep paralysis. You wake up and try to move but quickly realize you can’t move or speak. You’re stuck. That same night, I went through this experience. I was paralyzed from head to toe. I felt the usual anxiety and fear as I sensed a dark presence very near. I felt someone sitting on my chest, and whatever it was repeated the same words that had been in one of the scenes of the movie I had just watched. I felt helpless and powerless. I kept mentally crying out to God, and, finally, I was free. I was filled with terror at the thought that I could be under the control of this evil spirit. I didn’t go back to sleep that night and told someone what happened.

They said, “Angelo, that’s what happens to people that separate themselves from God.” I was furious to hear those words because I knew they were right, but I blamed God for what I was going through. 

I immediately ran into my room searching for something spiritual. I had come to a point where I hated the Bible and anything that had to do with God, but I knew my problem was supernatural, so it only made sense my solution must be supernatural. In my nightstand, behind my socks, I found a thin pink-covered book with a butterfly on it titled Steps to Christ. I was excited to find it. I began to read it and finished it almost the same day. Something strange began to happen in me; I got excited and happy—two feelings I hadn’t felt in a while. Next thing you know, I’m calling all my friends and telling them of the wonderful discovery, “Hey, I found Jesus, bro! Come to the crib; you’ve got to study the Bible with me.” I had decided to give my life to Christ. Yet, I came to the realization that I couldn’t follow Him if He didn’t change these dark thoughts I had “You’re worthless. No one loves you. You’re alone. You’ll never amount to anything.” 

I understand now that my behavior was only the effect of these thoughts. If these thoughts were dealt with, the addictions I had for years would be broken. I began to separate myself from my friends and decided to stay home on the weekends to watch sermons. I was immediately intrigued with a young man preaching on YouTube. The title of the series was “Revelation of Hope Bible Prophecy Seminar”. I was hooked after the first few minutes of the peaceful music by the Revelation of Hope Singers and the cheerful demeanor of Taj Pacleb. I saw a power and conviction I had never seen before. I realized this didn’t come from him. I wanted this power. I needed this power. After seven presentations and a notebook filled with notes, the presentation that would change my life forever played on my TV screen: “Israel in Prophecy.” I learned about Jacob as he wrestled with God and desperately held on to his only chance of healing and freedom: Jesus Christ Himself. Jacob was a broken sinner burdened by a load of guilt. When asked his name by the One who longed to set him free, he answered: “Jacob, the deceiver.” Jesus then spoke to him. His following words would liberate Jacob from his past, free him from the fear of his present problems, and give him his new and true identity: “Israel, a Prince of God.” A “child of the King” according to Taj that night. I fell on my knees crying out, once again, to someone I couldn’t see. “Father, I know You’re real, but I know I can’t follow You if You don’t free me from these addictions in my life. Show me Your power.” After I got up from my knees, I was free. I had seen Jesus in such a way that I knew I was worth so much that it cost the death of the Son of God.

I knew the Father loved me so much He was willing to suffer inexpressible pain to see His Son tortured, abused in every form, and finally murdered, just to be with me for eternity. I knew I wasn’t alone because He promised to always be with me. I was convicted He had a future filled with purpose, joy, and peace for me. I had come to understand my true identity in Him: A son of God. A child of the King.

I am now reaching out to young men with similar stories as mine. My passion is in the mental health field. I was recently trained as a prayer facilitator with Straight 2 the Heart Ministries, which focuses on offering healing and freedom in Christ to those who have been abused, betrayed, addicted, or have experienced trauma in any way. I am currently in school to become a certified mental health technician and certified life coach in cognitive behavioral therapy.

You, dear reader, are a child of the King! My prayer is that you will find healing physically, mentally, and spiritually through God’s Word and the resources that He has provided.